Play opens on Sisyphus standing at the bottom of a hill under azure sky, preparing to roll the stone up to the top of a rather large hill.
Silence echoes up the mountain, it is broken. Here it is, a giant bolt of lightning striking from the sky and appearing out of the darkness the Greek god Zeus. Enter Zeus.
Zeus: That’s right. I could pray to them if you’d like.
Enter the author, a telegenic young man with the look of brilliance about him. It should become clear to the reader right now that this author guy is an absolute genius worthy of the highest honor and praise.
Author: Oh, goodness. I’ve never been in one of my own stories before, what an absolute delight. Tell me did that description make me sound fat? It made me sound fat, didn’t it? I’ve ruined it. Let me try again, it’s alright. I’ll just jump out and jump right back in, it’ll only take a second.
The author disappears. Suddenly the author, a man extraordinary in both intellect and physique,reappears on the scene hoping that this time his entrance will better convey his general appearance.
Author: Hmmmm. Seems a little bit dull, doesn’t it? It lacks a theatrical touch, yes it does…this will not do as my introduction. Let me try, just one more time, I’m sure this one will be fantastic.
The author disappears to try his introduction yet again, a gag which must be appearing increasingly cliche to the reader, the author apologizes. He means well. With no further ado, the author appears once again, ready to finish this brilliant little play.
Sisyphus (frustrated and in a loud voice): Stop it.Author: I’m terribly sorry, it’s just you only get one chance at a first impression.
The characters feeling slightly awkward about the presence of the author are all silent.
Author: It’s a common word. You should get out more.
The characters at this point all stop and share a very brief moment. Notice how I said that the characters all stop and not the people all stop. That’s because, as the reader has undoubtedly forgotten by this point, the characters are not real people and are merely a projection of the author’s imagination. These characters, like you and me and all real people, could be at any moment pummeled, hanged, squashed, shot, crucified, buried, or otherwise knocked out of life.
Sisyphus (breaking the quite lengthy silence): So now what?
Author: That’s it, you’re out.
With a snap of his fingers and the explosion of some yellow and decidedly metaphysical smoke, the stone ceases to exist.
Author: How’d you get back in here?
Author (frustrated at the defiance of his characters, viewing this incident as a rebellion against a
Author: Yes, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
The author, a man of infinite wit and perfect judgement, writes out Sisyphus. Sisyphus has ceased to exist.
Author: Screw you.
The author begins to write out the character Zeus when he is interrupted-
Author: Screw you too.
Author proceeds to write out both Zeus and his own conscience. There is a profound emptiness, a silence, as the author realizes that he is all alone in this universe and that without the illusions created by his own mind that he is truly a pirate in a sea of cosmic emptiness.
Author (lonely, smiling): So much for pathos.
So much for pathos.